Reactive abuse is a term used to describe the behavior of a victim of abuse who lashes out in anger or aggression in response to the abuser's behavior. This can be verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
Reactive abuse is often seen as a form of abuse in itself, but it is important to remember that it is not the same as intentional abuse. Reactive abuse is a reaction to abuse, not a separate form of abuse in and of itself. Often when victims of abuse respond with reactive abuse, it is not aggression, anger or other similar emotions, but rather their feeling of loss of control or ability to regulate their environment and circumstances.
There are a few reasons why a victim of abuse might react in this way. They may feel like they have no other way to defend themselves. They may be trying to protect themselves from further abuse. They may also be feeling a lot of anger and frustration that they have not been able to express in the marriage.
If you are a victim of engaging in reactive abuse, it is important to remember that you are not to blame, other than reactive abuse getting to the point that it is being a sign that it is “time to get out” of a negative/damaging environment. You are not an abuser. You are simply reacting to the abuse that you are experiencing.
There are a few things that you can do to cope with reactive abuse:
- Get help. Talk to a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional. They can help you to understand what you are going through and to develop healthy coping mechanisms.
- Set boundaries. Limit contact with your abuser and refuse to engage in any kind of communication that is harmful to you.
- Take care of yourself. Make sure you are getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, and exercising regularly. These things will help you to feel better physically and mentally.
It is also important to remember that reactive abuse is not a permanent condition. With time and healing, you can learn to manage your reactions and break the cycle of abuse.
Here are some additional tips for dealing with reactive abuse:
- Don't make any major decisions right away. It is important to give yourself time to heal and to think things through before making any big decisions about your finances, housing, or custody arrangements.
- Get legal advice. It is important to speak to an attorney to understand your legal rights and options. This will help you to protect yourself and your interests during the divorce process.
- Be patient. The healing process takes time. Be patient with yourself and with the process.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many people who have been through reactive abuse and who have come out the other side. With time, healing, and support, you can too.
How Does Reactive Abuse Relate to the Divorce Process
Reactive abuse can be verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
When a victim of reactive abuse is going through a divorce, it can be difficult to describe their behavior in a way that is accurate and fair. The abuser may try to use the victim's reactive abuse as evidence that they are also abusive, or that they are not fit to parent their children. If you have engaged in reactive abuse, it is important to involve a legal professional, and perhaps other types of professionals, to help clearly identify to the court the history of what has occurred.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when describing reactive abuse behaviors in a divorce process:
- Be clear about the difference between reactive abuse and intentional abuse. Reactive abuse is a reaction to abuse, not a form of abuse in and of itself. It is important to be clear about this distinction when describing your behavior to your lawyer or in court.
- Describe the specific behaviors that you engaged in. Don't just say that you were "reactive." Be specific about what you said or did, and the context in which it occurred.
- Explain why you reacted the way you did. What was the abuser doing or saying that made you react? How did you feel at the time?
- Get help from a therapist or counselor. A therapist or counselor can help you to understand your behavior and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. This can be helpful in the divorce process, as it can show the court that you are taking steps to address your reactive abuse.
It is also important to remember that reactive abuse is not a permanent condition. With time and healing, you can learn to manage your reactions and break the cycle of abuse.
Here are some additional tips for describing reactive abuse behaviors in a divorce process:
- Be honest and transparent. Don't try to sugarcoat your behavior or make excuses for it. Be honest about what you did and why you did it.
- Be respectful of the abuser. Even though you are describing their abusive behavior, it is important to be respectful of them as a person. This will show the court that you are not vindictive or retaliatory.
- Be prepared to answer questions. The other side's lawyer may ask you questions about your reactive abuse behaviors. Be prepared to answer these questions honestly and in a way that is helpful to your case.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many people who have been through reactive abuse and who have come out the other side. With time, healing, and support, you can too. If you are expecting or planning to go through a divorce or other family law matter, please call Pingel Family Law at (816) 208-8130. We can help you navigate your complicated and complex situation.